I've been very reflective over the last month and dammit I'm tired of being sad. I feel like I've been stuck in a silent movie... Everything for so long has been all black and grainy. I'm taking big steps this weekend. Hubby will be off at an All Madden Tournament (football video game)... We might be 30, but sometimes you gotta be a kid... I will be heading out to dinner and other activities with my BFF, her SIL and Lily (the most adorable 6 month little girl)...
I haven't been around children since before our IVF failed. I feel like I need to slowly get back into the groove of things. I need to get off the Willy Wonka's Wondrous Boat Ride. Do you remember that part of the movie? The crazy 60's psychedelic bugs crawling everywhere scene? Well, that's where I feel like I've been... And you should just be warned that I am deathly afraid of bugs. Real or imaginary. For those that can't remember it... here is the scene...
I need to get back into the real world. It's been a helluva a journey these last few weeks. I've immersed myself in work. Which is probably for the best since I seemed to be trailing off all the time for the last several months. I've accomplished more this month since our failed IVF than I have in a while. I'm sure my
job thanks me... ha!
I'm the type of person who needs an answer and a plan for everything. Now, this might sound strange coming from somebody with such little organizational skills, but I've really been trying NOT to think about what is next for us. I'm trying to let go (which is unbelievably difficult for a person in need of constant control, such as myself). I'm trying to let the "chips fall where they may", for the time being anyway. I'm trying to enjoy my husband, not that I didn't enjoy him before, but, it just feels a little more freeing these days... I'm also trying to refocus my energies. I know that might sound odd, but I have several quotes or pieces of wisdom that I recite to myself everyday, throughout the day. It tends to calm my mind and
lift my spirit. I'm pretty sure my husband has appreciated the fact that I haven't been hysterical recently. Don't get me wrong, I've had some sad moments. But, I've pushed through them. Well, I've tried anyway.
"Life is a garden... dig it." as Joe Dirt would say...
I leave you with one last memento this evening...
Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it... -- Bill Cosby
I believe that. I'm working to find laughter again. I hope you are too.
7 comments:
Good old Joe Dirte'. Haha. Good for you girl. And I'll let them know if I feel cramping... what would that indicate?
Thank you for this post. I needed to read it today.
I know exactly how you feel- I'm playing the "I will not think about this crap' game myself.
And the world will not stop turning...
Yep, I think the Willie Wonka ride definitely describes the ride. I adored that movie, but hated that part!
Wow you really hit the nail on the head with that willy wonka boat analogy.
ICLW
Glad that you are working on finding the laughter again. I'm sure it has been sorely missed. And yay for getting a lot accomplished at work.
*ICLW*
Just read through the last few posts, I'm sorry that your IVF failed. You have a great outlook, I find it very inspiring. I especially like the quotes or pieces of wisdom idea - I might try that.
ICLW
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