8.27.2009

My Life Has a Theme Song (today anyway)

I woke up this morning and felt different. I wasn't really sure what the difference was. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I sat at my desk munching away on Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzels this afternoon (which seriously required me to need a breath mint) when it hit me... this is the best I've felt in a month!

I feel like Peter Griffin when the genie grants him his own theme song...



I have spent the last 33 days mourning. Yes, I realize we got our transfer, but it really was in the most dismal of situations. I have spent the last 33 days wondering what I could have done differently. I have spent the last 33 days wallowing in self pity. I'm sure I haven't been the best spouse. I know that I haven't been the best friend, but I have been so lucky to have the understanding of the people that I might have affected. Mind you my lack of great friendship has been my self imposed exile that I inflicted upon myself.

I know that sometimes life will knock you down. But, I've been trying to get back up... But it seemed as though I had been knocked into a hole about 10 feet deep. I've been scratching and clawing my way out. It would probably explain the intense need for a manicure at the moment. But, I'm almost there. I feel like the top half of my body is out and I'm just trying to get my legs out of the hole... Hopefully, they'll join the rest of me here very soon...

6 comments:

ifcrossroads said...

I'm so happy that you are having a good day. When you reach one of those little moments in the day when you realize that you haven't spent the majority of the day focusing on your depression and failure then it's a good day, IMO.

Your friends, they will understand if they are true friends. They'll be the ones that throw you the rope and help hoist you out of that horrible hole you've been thrown into.

I can only hope you are able to continue to shake the chains of exile and begin to move forward with purpose again.

And always know, you are not alone in this journey.

ICLW

Missy said...

It's great you feel you are finally making progress out of this hole. The pain of IF and failed cycles is real and affects us all. I find this community gives me the strength to keep going.

ICLW

Lucy said...

failed cycles do require mourning, and it does take time. i know i've gone through that with my three canceled cycles--each time, i think i'll be better too, and i'm not. it's hard. good for you for working through it!

Lin said...

I'm so glad that you're feeling better. We know that hole (or deserted island, as i like to put it) far too well. It's a lonely place to be. And, seeing the ligh of day again after all that time is such a great feeling!!

Carrie said...

What a relief for your spirit! I am so very, very hopeful that your lower body joins your upper body above ground and you are feeling even better tomorrow.

Big hugs!

Mrs. Gamgee said...

Those days when you actually feel good, and are able to savour it by recognizing that it's a change from previous are wonderful! Cherish the days of feeling good!