We've Moved!

It's bee a long time since I've been around. I'm sure most of you assumed that you'd never hear from me again... WRONG! LOL

We're picking up shop and moving...

You can now visit us here... at Building A Charmed Life!

I hope to see you there!


Break on Through to the Other Side (trying anyway!)

So... First off, thank you for all of the well wishes from my last blog. It really mean so much. :)

Secondly, there isn't too much to report except we are tying to find a good adoption attorney in the area. I know that we will need a home study but other than that, I have no clue what needs to happen. I guess that is why I pay the attorney the big buck right?!?

I feel like we are kind of at an empasse. We want to prep and be ready, but we don't want to be too ready... Does that make sense? So... What we have decided to do is get as much stuff done to the house as needed, replace flooring, windows, prep a pseudo nursery. I need to plan. Plan, plan, plan... I can't just find out one day we are adopting this sweet boy and not have anything ready. I don't need tons of clothes yet or anything but I have to have his furniture.

We haven't told everyone yet, just some select family and friends. We are o grateful for e support we have. We would love to tell everyone but it really is just one of this things where we don't want to tell so many people and then on the off chance that this doesn't work have to explain it all to everyone...

Please keep us in your prayers... We need them!! :)


Things are changing

Hey everyone.

I'm sure most of you have forgotten about my little blog. But, I have not forgotten about you and your struggles. After our IVF failed last year, I lost it. I had only in can only call a mini mental breakdown. I was functioning but I wasn't really here. Not long after our failed IVF my beloved dog Quincy was diagnosed with cancer. I felt like everything was imploding around us. We tried to think of our next steps. We tried to get our act together. We tried. I tried. But I failed. Quincy became our top priority. He provided so much to us and we owed him everything. His love and companionship got me through days I would never wish on my worst enemy. Babies took the back burner. We needed a break. Mentally, physically, in everyway. So we just stopped. Everything.

It was the most welcome break we could have ever needed. I've been able to get my photography business back up and running. We've actually taken time for ourselves. We haven't been consumed. We've talked about things here and there. Do we really want to adopt? Maybe... Do we want to try IVF again? Maybe... Do we want to consider egg donation? Maybe... Maybe... Maybe...

Fast forward to June 2010...

Quincy fought a really hard battle. When he was diagnosed, the Vet Oncologist told us that he might make it 2-4 months. We did everything we could to prolong his life and keep him happy and comfortable. He fought so hard. But, we finally knew it was time to let him go several weeks ago. I know he didn't want to leave us but he knew it was time. He made it an astonishing 8.5 months from diagnosis. Our vet told us how strong Quincy was and how surprised everyone was that he was as active and 'healthy' as he was during that time. I miss my boy every day. But, I really feel like he was preparation for the future. I know it sounds silly, but you just have to trust you would have thought the same thing.

Fast forward to Thursday June 24, 2010...

We got a phone call around 8:30 from our sister in law. She sounded frantic. We really thought something was wrong even though she said it was nothing bad. She found out through a friend that there is a newborn baby boy born into a bad situation. Mother is 29 years old and he was her 6th baby. Mind you she has no parental rights for any of them. This sweet boy was born addicted to THC (marijuana)... sickening right? Yeah... I thought so. The father is an addict as well. Can't hold a job and is technically homeless. The offer was on the table for us to have an opportunity to adopt him. Rick and I were floored, shocked and overwhelmed. We got off the phone... Paced the floors... talked about our options and called our mothers. Everyone told us what an amazing gift this would be. We knew it would be a crap shoot going in and not sure how it would play out....

Friday, June 25, 2010...

The court date. Yes... 17 hours after the frantic firestorm of phone calls. We did not attend. But, the mother was stripped of her parental rights by the state. All but one of her children was both addicted to drugs. She has no hope of a future with this child. The state and court wanted to strip the father as well. But, the grandmother knew we were in the wings and she wanted to do what she could to prevent him from being put into state custody. She mentioned a private adoption in court and the judge gave the father 3 months to prove he could take care of the child and provide for him. She offered to house the baby for the next 3 months. She and her husband are older and don't want to raise another child. From what we have been told, the father likes the idea of having a child, but not the idea of actually parenting a child. No one thinks he will keep custody. We were told to prepare for the child. So we are.

We are preparing to become a family. We understand that this is still a crap shoot and the father could miraculously turn his life around in the next 90 days. But, we are hopeful. We are hopeful that even though we will miss 3 months of our son's life, he will end up coming home to us. The grandmother understands that we really want to keep this a 'closed' as possible. We were told to find an adoption attorney and to find out how everything would proceed.

So yeah. We are preparing. Things are changing. We have a name picked out. We've thought about his room. We're now nesting before really nesting.

Come the beginning of October... We might become a family of 3... God is good.

'If you can" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23



Happy Birthday

Today is my soul mates birthday. I've spent the last 10.5 years loving this man. He's the reason that I push myself. The reason that I'm here. He can make me laugh when everything seems hopeless. He knows just how to make me feel good... He is my air.

Happy birthday baby. The best is yet to come. :)



I've been so busy and sick this week I forgot that ICLW started! My apologies! I have a lot of catching up to do.

I currently sound like an 85 year old Italian smoker. This laryngitis is totally kicking my butt this year! I'm used to losing my voice after the first cold snap of the year but it typically only lasts for a few days. Anywho...

Tonight is Ricktoberfest 3.0. AKA - Ricks 30th birthday celebration. I bought him a surround sound system for the house and surprised him with it. It's a nice addition to the entertainment center!

As for all things fertility related. We've begun exploring the options and have decided that several conversations are needed with our families as their opinion and support in this process is VERY important to us. Maybe we can find a way for us all to get together at the same time. Rick and I have decided that we'll wait out the end of 2009 and continue to gather information and figure out which direction we want to go before jumping feet first into everything! We are excited at what this new path brings us.

I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!


Do I want to be pregnant or Do I want to be a mother?

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Closing in on a month. But, I needed that time to process, relax and rejuvenate. It's done me well. Rick and I haven't talked too much about what was next for us. We always had October 14th on our radar. It was the next RESOLVE meeting that dealt with egg donation and adoption. We were particularly interested in the egg donation talk.

Fast forward an hour. We listened to the egg donation talk intently and I was touched by Nicole's story. Then, Kristin spoke about her adoption journey. She said several things that struck a cord with me.

1) A friend of hers asked her one day... "Do you want to be pregnant or do you want to be a mother?"

This statement resonated with me. I had never actually looked at it that way. How important was it for us to have a biological child? Now, don't get me wrong, it's a huge loss to be told your chances of having a biological child are slim to none. It hit me, sitting in a crowded room of people. Dammit, I just want to be a mother. Rick and I will be wonderful parents (or so we would like to think). It isn't THAT important to me to be pregnant. I'm actually quite terrified of pregnancy. Any pregnancy I have would be a high risk pregnancy and it really scares the bejesus out of me.

2) With adoption, you know you are coming home with a baby at some point. But with egg donation and continued treatments, nothing is promised.

That was the other thing. We've put so much blood, sweat and tears into trying to create a baby that I don't think either of us thought about what we would do if egg donation DID NOT work. Plus, we aren't made of money. Matter of fact we've exhausted most of our life savings on our journey to have a baby. If we went through egg donation and it didn't work, chances of us being able to afford something like that again would be slim for some time.

A dear friend of mine asked me a question a couple months ago after our failed IVF. I was explaining the possibilities for trying to have a baby. She then asked me "If this doesn't work... when does it all stop?" I've been thinking about that comment since she made it. She's right. When does it all stop? When do we stop the cycle? It's been 4.5 years. $30-35k. 11 medicated cycles. Over 200 needles. And yet we are no closer than we were 4.5 years ago. If anything it seemed farther away.

I always thought adoption wasn't for me. Then things started falling into place and making sense. I am half adopted (my mother is my biological, but my dad adopted me when he and her married when I was a baby, I've never known my biological father). Rick and I have rescued both of our dogs. And I know more adopted people than most. It's kinda of been right in front of me the whole time. I just never looked at it. I've been looking for signs for years. Now everything feels like it is just as it should be. It feels good. Great actually.

Next on the agenda... gathering our information, talking to our families and going to get our baby!


Unwavering Inspiration

I've been following a family in Jacksonville, FL for quite some time now. A photographer that I am very fond of (Scarlett Lillian), what I wouldn't give to shoot with her for a wedding!

Her father was diagnosed last year with terminal lung cancer and made his way home on February 21, 2009. Her mother, Rene, was diagnosed in 2004 with Stage 3 Breast Cancer. She has been through a lot. And is currently in remission, which is a immense blessing.

Scarlett and Rene are training to run a marathon on the year anniversary of their father and husband's passing. I hope that I am able to find the strength and inspiration to complete our journey... one way or the other.

I implore you to follow each of them, what a blessing they are to have each other. I wish them the best of luck in their training.