The What Ifs

It's been such a long journey to get to this point. We are approaching 4 years since we started TTC. Countless tests, doctors appointments, failed cycles, friends/family having babies... Through it all however, Rick and I have remained strong together. He is my rock. It's been hard for us to divulge a lot of what has happened over the last 4 years to people, but slowly we've started explaining our situation to more friends/family members...

It's amazing looking back on our journey. We've said it before and we'll say it again. We NEVER thought that we would be to the point of IVF. We always knew in the back of our minds that it was an option. But like most options, they cost money. We aren't lucky enough to have any of the IVF covered under insurance. For a brief fleeting moment, we thought it would never happen. We had researched options for financing - because let's face it... who usually has close to 15 grand just hanging around?? We were just getting ready to apply for it when we found out that the financing had been pulled. I called my mom and very matter of factly told her that we were done. No more actively TTC. We just didn't have it in us, particularly financially. We knew it would take us well over a year to save that much money... and that was barring not needing any of the extra money. I came home that day and just sat on the couch. We got a phone call later that evening that would change our lives. My mom so graciously offered to loan us the money. It was the most touching phone call of my life. Rick and I talked about it and discussed how much and how soon we could afford to pay it back.

Now... on to the what ifs...
WHAT IF one if us lose our job and can't afford to pay her back on the agreed upon schedule???
WHAT IF our cycle gets cancelled???
WHAT IF we don't retrieve enough eggs???
WHAT IF our eggs stop developing???
WHAT IF we don't have any eggs to transfer back???
WHAT IF we don't have any eggs to freeze???

It like a freaking roller coaster. We could seriously drive ourselves insane with all of the What Ifs... I feel like a human pincushion sometimes... We know that this is what it will take in order to have a baby (we hope).

1 comment:

Jeff and Kerry said...

Hi Kerri, I found your blog through a comment you made on ours. What a story you have! I just wanted to say I completely understand the "what if" game. Completely. A little bit of advice from someone who's been there - don't let the "what ifs" freak you out too much. I know, I know - easier said than done, but I'm telling you, this huge gamble you are taking WILL pay off. You gotta think that way! I'm totally a glass-half-empty thinker, but when we were going through IVF+ICSI, I changed all of that because it just couldn't fail. It was our "Hail Mary" so to speak. And because we also had MFI, I feel a bit of deja vu reading about your journey. I will most definitely keep you and Rick in my thoughts and prayers, and I just can't wait to see what the future holds for you two!