Do You Believe in Miarcles?

Sunday was the worst day of our lives. To find out that we had been through so much and that our embryos stopped dividing was the most horrific news we could have possible imagined. I got physically ill. I tend to have that reaction when someone close to me dies. Which is exactly what we felt happened.

I had said long ago that if this IVF didn't work out that we were going to be a on long break from medicated cycles and take a trip of a lifetime. We decided that a Mediterranean Cruise to Italy and Greece would be just what we wanted to do. It's been a year and a half straight of fertility treatments and it's just so overwhelming that we know a break will be good for us.

I left my cell phone on Rick's nightstand told him it was his responsibility to answer the phone when it rang. I just didn't want to hear those words again from Dr. Ying. The heartbreaking words I had heard Sunday. Rick and I discussed that we just wanted a chance to have our transfer. That prayer was answered Monday morning when we found out that 2 of our babies woke up and decided to grow.

It is a miracle in its own right. Is this the miracle that we've so desperately worked for? We won't know for another week and a half. We can only sit back and pray that this roller coaster is one with a happy ending. Here's to our miracles.... may they florish and prosper... Mommy's waiting... :)

Keep Your Hands and Feet Inside the Ride at All Times

Well our journey again has hit EPIC roller coaster proportions... We received a phone call at 7:15 this morning (I made Rick answer the phone). I just kept hearing him say, "OK"... "so 2" "OK, so what does that mean?"... etc. I get out of the bathroom and he goes "we need to get dressed and head down there... 2 of our eggs split."

WTF?!?

Our eggs aren't the best seeing as one is only 2 cells and the other is only 3 when they should be at least 4. BUT, the big news is that they are trying to do something. Our RE thinks that they might thrive better in their "natural environment". So here's hoping that they like my uterus better than the dish!

My mom wanted to remind me of how lazy I was in the womb being 3.5 weeks late and how lazy I was as a kid... Maybe there is something to it...

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I'm a big believer in signs... These have been our signs since they retrieval... Neat huh?

* ER was 7/24/09... My favorite/lucky number is 24
* Transfer was 7/27/09... Rick's birthday is the 27th
* Mary Ann was my pre-op/post -op nurse... Marianne is my MIL
* My OR nurse was Kathy... Kathy is my BFF
* Our Beta is scheduled for 8/7/09... If you add 8+7+9 you get 24

We shall see... Right now... Just sitting back relaxing and watching movies with the hubs...

OH!

Here is Rick in his scrubs with our kokopelli and photos of our babies...

Crash and Burn

Today our dreams were crushed. None of our embryos divided.

Apparently, there is still a small bit of hope. But not much.

Our hearts are broken. Today our journey ended without even a chance.

Not sure for how long. But a long while.

Thank you so much for all of your well wishes and good thoughts.

I'm just sorry we don't have better news.

Day After Retrieval

We got one of the most nerve wracking phone calls around 9:31am from our Embryologist. He informed us that out of the 5 eggs that were retrieved, 4 were mature and 4 fertilized.


YES!!!

What a relief that was... But now... several hurdles down... a mile more to go! Tomorrow we should hear out of the 4 how many divided. Hopefully all 4 divided. That would be the best blessing.

As of this morning... this is what our babies looked like... Cute little one celled zygotes.

The waiting for tomorrows phone call will be sheer torture.

Please God, protect our babies... let them thrive and grow!!

"1 or 2... The decision is up to you..."

This is what our RE told us the other day... We've spent the last couple days discussing and getting people's opinions on what they think.

We've decided to put 2 embies back when the time comes. After talking to my BFF, she made a really good point that I'm the type of person who would kick myself if we only put back 1 and it didn't work. We're working on borrowed dollars (literally) and don't have the additional funds or insurance assistance to go through this more than once. So if this IVF doesn't happen to work we're hoping for some really good frozen embies...

I'll end this post with a favorite quote of mine...

"All that we are is the result of what we have thought." Buddha